


Who's going to make you cry?

by teaandsmut



Series: Somewhat chronological Catradora one-shots (Post S1) [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with an Angsty Ending, Catra's POV, Crying, F/F, First Time, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Penetrative Sex, Oral Sex, Other: See Story Notes, Porn with Feelings, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 13:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16745272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandsmut/pseuds/teaandsmut
Summary: Based on the memory simulation premise in The Promise. Catra and Adora re-live a time when they almost - then decide to torture themselves by continuing in the present.  Desperate "I don't want to want you but I do" sex with a lot of heartache.I have it bad for these two so here's some angsty, angsty smut! Please see notes at the beginning.I'm going to group this in a series with my other Catradora stuff because in my head they indirectly follow on from each other, but they are essentially one-shots.My tumblr [nsfw].





	Who's going to make you cry?

**Author's Note:**

> Adora is 18 here. Catra is 19 (I see her as being a bit older). Written in British English.
> 
> Content warning: There is a depiction of self-harm in this fic. Proceed with caution if this may be triggering for you. It isn't a long or graphic description, but it is there.

“Hey, I miss you too.” Adora nudged Catra.

"What? I don’t miss you! Get over yourself." Catra kicked at Adora and they scuffled. For a second it was almost like when they were back in the Fright Zone together.

“Not until you admit you like me!” Adora laughed.

“I don’t like you.”

They were in the First Ones ruin and were beginning to figure out that they were experiencing some kind of memory simulations. First they had witnessed their younger selves in some apparently formative moment and then they seemed to become drawn into re-living the memories from their former selves’ point of view. 

Adora laughed as she ran on. Catra tried to ignore her weaker, stupider self's pleasure at hearing Adora happy, arranging her face back to a scowl.

Adora’s laughter stopped abruptly. Catra caught up with her and stopped dead when she saw the memory before them.  _ Shit.  _ They were in their dorm room, only a few weeks earlier, in the middle of the night. In the memory, Catra was curled at the foot of Adora's bed and her tail curled as Adora stroked her hair.

"Psh, can we not go through this one?" Catra huffed, not wishing to relive this memory. It was one that she had to gloss over on a regular basis and she didn't want Adora being reminded of it either.

After recovering from being startled, Adora wore a strange expression. Similar to one that usually ended with Catra in trouble. Something like recklessness, but more uncertain this time. "Come on, Catra - what's the worst that could happen?" she said, an eyebrow raised. Then more gently, "It's OK. I was there too." 

Catra crossed her arms. “Hmph.” She refused to admit that she was a little curious to see Adora’s reaction to the memory. It was part of why Carta was so furious about Adora abandoning her; and she could do with a fresh excuse to be angry with her right now. She needed to strengthen her resolve.

They looked back to the memory of themselves. In it, Catra was purring softly as Adora stroked the back of her head. Adora often did that when she couldn’t sleep. Catra scowled harder. Then, as before, their consciousness slipped into the reconstruction of their memories.

Catra woke up to Adora’s fingers in her hair. She stopped purring abruptly and Adora paused before continuing. Catra stayed still, not wanting Adora to stop but not wanting to let on that she loved when Adora did this. As Adora brushed her fingers over her, Catra wondered if something was different this time. Adora was touching her in a more deliberate way, small strokes around the base of her ears. Catra shivered. Adora must know she was awake. Catra renewed her efforts to stay still. 

Catra had long acknowledged to herself that her feelings for Adora went well beyond platonic but she assumed Adora did not feel the same. She was always so focused on training these days. Did Adora know what she was doing to her? As her fingers ran over the small area of exposed skin at the base of her ears and gently over her hair to her neck and back, Catra shifted as she felt her body respond. She should stop her; Adora surely did not realise and nothing good would come from this. But if felt so good to have Adora’s full attention and to have tingles running over her skin with every stroke.

“Catra?” Adora took her hand away and Catra whined involuntarily. She moved her head to nudge back into contact with Adora. “Oh, OK then. Demanding.” The smile was audible in Adora’s whispered voice.

The dorm was silent as Adora resumed stroking Catra’s hair, the only other sounds were occasional footsteps, voices or machinery clanging in the distance. Catra could feel her heart racing. Her eyes were still closed in a facsimile of sleep but she could hear Adora’s breathing catch and become irregular. Catra drew a sharp breath as she realised that not only did Adora surely know what she was doing to Catra but that maybe Adora was feeling this too. Adora’s touches had a different quality to them today compared to normal, Catra was certain of it. She felt her hairs stand on end as Adora brushed her hair aside to touch a new area of skin on Catra’s neck. 

She had to know what Adora meant for sure. Catra twisted herself around, careful not to break contact with Adora. She settled on her back, propped up on her elbows, her eyes now open wide with fear as she met Adora’s surprised gaze. For a moment they were frozen like that, eyes locked, with Adora kneeling by Catra and her fingers in her hair. The emergency lighting cast a dim glow on Adora as Catra looked up at her. Adora swallowed and Catra could hear her own heartbeat in her ears.

Then Adora stroked slowly along Catra’s ears and Catra knew. Adora’s wide eyes were still locked with Catra’s, seemingly fascinated by what was happening. Catra was hyperaware of every millimetre of her own body as it prickled, perfectly still but for her giveaway tail, and of every tiny movement of Adora’s fingers. Catra jumped a little as Adora ran her fingertips down the side of her face. Adora jumped too, as if surprised at herself. Catra still fought to stay still, sure that any movement would snap whatever was held between them in the dark. It felt as if they might have stayed that way for hours.

Their surroundings shifted and they found themselves back in First Ones ruin. At the time, the tense moment had been shattered by one of their dormmates climbing out of their bunk to go the bathroom. They had not spoken of it since, though Catra suspected Adora had tried to bring it up. Catra had always evaded the subject, rather crudely by suddenly finding an dismissive reason to run off. She didn't want to hear Adora explain that there had been a misunderstanding. But now they remained frozen in place, this time not springing apart as they returned to the present, Adora's fingers still on Catra's cheek and their eyes fixed on each other.

Taking a deep breath, Adora ended the silence. “I wanted so much to kiss you that night. I wanted… want to do so much more with you.”

Catra remained motionless as she took this in, panic rapidly building within her. Catra's desire and hurt were completely intertwined; as one rose, so did the other. Since Adora had left her, Catra had been pushing both as far down as she could manage, with limited success. But now both desire and hurt threatened to overwhelm her. Had Adora really felt this way towards Catra when she abandoned her? Had she known how Catra felt all along? How could she have done it? And now here she was, intimately touching her skin and unable to break her gaze. Adora  _ wanted _ her. Adora who Catra had longed for, avoided, cried over, laughed with, who’s moans she imagined when she touched herself in the dark in the bed above. Adora who she could never be with was here, now, wanting Catra too.

Catra could not hold back the rising pressure any longer, she had to do something to release it. Even if that meant releasing the pain too. After what felt like forever, Catra broke their locked gaze as she turned her face towards Adora's hand on her cheek and touched her lips to Adora's inner wrist. She softly grazed her tongue over Adora's skin. The tension between them broke immediately: Adora gasped softly and she looked away, hiding her face; Catra stifled a cry as desire surged through her, indistinguishable from the fresh stab of pain in her gut. 

“Catra… Did you want… Do you…” Adora struggled to form the words as she turned back to Catra.

This was not what Catra wanted. She hated the searing  _ wrongness  _ of the situation. And yet she still wanted Adora more than anything. More than she wanted to be free from the pain her attraction to Adora caused. She deserved that anyway, Catra told herself. She gave in.

Instead of replying, Catra let herself act on every impulse she suppressed whenever she had roughhoused with Adora, or cockily teased her. She swiftly pushed herself up from the floor and pounced at Adora, knocking her back. Catra grinned as she pinned Adora to the ground, her tail swishing with exhilaration. 

Adora stared up at her, momentarily stunned. Then Catra pressed herself against Adora and pushed her thigh between Adora’s legs. Adora moaned, Catra felt her body pull towards Adora in response, and then they were a flurry of grasping hands and awkward wriggling as they tried to simultaneously pull each other’s clothes off and clumsily press the aching parts of their bodies together. After their long drawn out moment, they were desperate to be closer to each other, to release the tension as fast as they could. And who knew when the ruin’s defensive robots would find them again. Catra didn’t want to think, she only wanted Adora. 

Catra pulled Adora’s top and sports bra swiftly over her head, tousling her ponytail, while Adora undid the back of Catra’s bodysuit and pushed it down to her waist. Before Adora could attempt to undo Catra’s belts, Catra shifted down to nip along Adora’s shoulder. She moaned again in response and now Catra was desperate to make her make those sounds again. She began to bite and lick a fast line down Adora’s chest, her body seeming to know what to do.

“I missed - ah! - missed seeing you like this,” said Adora.

“What, half naked?” asked Catra, words muffled as she kissed between the soft mounds of Adora’s breasts.

Adora laughed. “No, just you being you.” Catra scowled but felt herself warm at Adora’s words.

Once she had tugged Adora’s boots and trousers off, Catra took in the sight of Adora sprawled before her. Adora smiled, her expression one of pleased disbelief, her hair a mess and face flushed. Her legs were parted and Catra could see a line glistening between them. She had seen Adora naked before, but never like this. She wanted to feel her squirm beneath her, she wanted to feel Adora’s heat against her mouth.

Before Adora could reach for her belts again, Catra swooped down between Adora’s legs, hooking her arms around her hips. She flicked her small tongue across Adora’s clit. Adora gasped and tilted her hips to press into Catra’s mouth and -  _ fuck  _ \- it felt good when Adora moaned in time to her licks. Driven mostly by instinct and her desire to make Adora keep making those noises, Catra flicked and swirled her tongue insistently. She lapped up Adora’s gasps and yelps, building in frequency. Adora threaded her fingers through Catra’s hair and Catra purred against her. 

And then Adora was arching her back, gasping strangled cries as she came, her cunt twitching under Catra’s mouth. Catra looked up at her, relishing every detail. She was glorious. Adora moaned as Catra softened her licks to coax out long, slow waves of Adora’s orgasm, delighting in Adora’s hips and thighs jerking around her with each one.

Spent, Adora flopped back to the ground and covered  her face with her arms. She sighed. “That was amazing.” Catra grinned wickedly as she licked her lips. This was wonderful, seeing Adora like this, making Adora like this...

Then a jolt. 

She wouldn't be able to see Adora like this again. Whatever fluke this was didn’t seem destined to happen again. Waves of entangled anger and longing crashed over Catra once more and she leapt up, backing into the nearest wall, leaving Adora confused.

Catra battled with her thoughts. Adora had left her alone and terrified, nothing changed that. Adora either didn't like her enough to stay or didn't care what became of her. Catra didn't know why Adora seemed to be interested in her in this way now, but it made it all worse. It meant there was no way to stem the cascade of arousal and desperate desire for Adora. And no way to stop the torment of wanting to despise her at the same time. Catra  _ hated _ it. She could feel her mind trying to reject the pain despite the rest of body being on fire with the need that fueled it. She needed it to  _ stop _ -

"What are you doing? Please, stop doing that, Catra!" Adora had run over to where Catra had her back to the wall. Adora carefully prised Catra's hands from where they wrapped tight around her shoulders, pressing into her flesh. Catra pushed her away before she could see where her claws had dug in so hard on the back of her arms that they had broken the skin. Fresh marks over recent scratches that had only just closed. Over pale scars from years ago.

“You'll give yourself bruises,” said Adora, gently, as she tried to check over Catra's arms.

“I'm fine.” Catra shrugged her off.

“OK… if you're sure.”

The overwhelming rush had passed, but Catra found the fire in her veins and the burn at her core remained. “Yes, I'm -  _ nghh.”  _ Catra whined as Adora unconsciously began to stroke Catra's upper arms.

“Oh!” Adora froze. “Sorry… Uh, do you want me to keep going?”

Catra gave a quick nod, her jaw clenched and her eyes squeezed shut. Adora ran her fingers experimentally up and down Catra's arms, dragging her nails a little. Catra gave another whine, deeper this time.  _ Fuck.  _ Why did Adora do this to her?

Adora worked her hands around to the back of Catra's neck. She held Catra there a moment before kissing her softly. Catra felt some part of her melt and her eyes pricked as she pressed desperately back against Adora. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter and felt tears bead at her eyelashes.

Adora broke away to run her hands over Catra's exposed back, causing her to shiver again, and hooked her thumbs on the upper part of Catra's bodysuit bunched at her belts. Adora gave Catra a questioning look. Catra nodded and watched as Adora kneeled to fumble her belts undone. Catra’s legs shook slightly as Adora carefully slipped her bodysuit and underwear down past her hips. The clatter of the belt buckles echoed through the ruin as Catra kicked her bodysuit to the side.

Adora slid her hands over the sides of Catra’s legs, hips and waist as she stood up. She began to stroke small circles over Catra’s taut abdomen, looking unsure about what she should be doing. Catra whined again and rolled her hips against Adora’s legs, trying to create some friction between her clit and any part of Adora she could reach. She needed Adora, she had never wanted anything as much. Every second that all of her was not touching all of Adora  _ hurt. _

Adora laughed at Catra’s impatience. “Don’t worry, Catra! Hm, I’m sure I can figure this out, it can’t be so different to when…” Catra groaned at the stab of arousal as she pictured the implication of Adora’s words. Adora kissed Catra’s neck and moved her fingers down from her abdomen through tufts of hair to run them along the swollen lips either side of Catra’s cunt. Catra felt her clit flare impossibly; it almost stung from remaining untouched. Her slick already covered her cunt and between her thighs and there was barely any friction when Adora dipped her fingers only just into the parted lips. Catra ached; she wanted more of Adora, for Adora to be entangled with her, inseparable. 

With now-slippery fingers, Adora traced smooth, soft circles around Catra’s clit. Catra gasped at the sharp sensation. Adora watched her and continued the pattern, steadying Catra at her waist with her free hand. After the sharpness faded, Catra moaned as she felt the focused heat build around her clit. It was almost familiar - she had fantasised this so often, but now it was actually Adora in place of her own hands. She wrapped her arms around Adora’s back, the warmth of their closeness tempting her into letting go.

But her defences brought her back abruptly. She could not allow herself to feel like this and panic flared in her chest. Feeling her tense up, Adora asked, “Are you OK? Do you want me to stop?”

“No! Ah - please, Adora, I -” The thought of Adora stopping now was even worse.

Adora attempted to soothe her, guessing at her distress. “You can be safe with me, Catra. I know you’re a good person,” she said, lips brushing Catra’s neck as she spoke.

“No…” This was unbearable.

“You are! You’re clever and you look out for me and -”

“No! Stop being nice to me!  _ Please.”  _ Catra’s face contorted in distress.

Adora drew back to look at Catra, surprised and upset. She paused her fingers, causing Catra to whimper with need again, and kissed a line across Catra’s cheeks and lips. When Catra smiled weakly back, Adora slowly resumed circling Catra’s clit. “It’s OK, Catra. It’s me, it’s just me.”

As Catra relaxed, the pressure rapidly rebuilt and almost immediately she came, hard and painful, against Adora’s fingers. She cried out and clung to Adora’s chest, shuddering as her orgasm tore through her, hit after searing hit. It burned through intense and fast and then Catra was slumped against Adora, unwilling to move from their tight embrace as her senses returned to her. 

To her horror, Catra felt hot tears rising. She dashed them away before Adora could see. As the haze of her desire began to leave her, she found her turmoil over Adora waiting for her. Why couldn’t she just hate her? It would be so much easier than  _ this. _ She was relieved when they heard the clang of the ruin’s protective robots dangerously nearby, forcing them to hurriedly break apart and pull their clothes back on. 

Catra quickly gathered her defences - her mocking grin, her callous expressions, her cynical flirtation - while Adora looked dazed until they saw the glowing eyes of the robot appear from a nearby shadow, forcing them to take off down a corridor.

Adora turned to Catra as they ran. “Catra, I -”

Catra cut her off, wanting to end the discussion while she stifled her own personal fallout. “This still doesn’t mean I like you.”

**Author's Note:**

> There we go, my first Catradora fic! I hope it made you feel things. I always love comments, or talk to me on tumblr (teaandsmut)!
> 
> (Also, I wrote this in a delirious, sleep-deprived haze so I'm sorry for any mistakes. You can let me know about any typos/errors if you want.)


End file.
